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whadu · Last edited by whadu on Mon May 04, 09 5:54 PM; edited 3 times in total.

Pineapple Express (2008) Quotes

Saul: Fuck the po-lice!
Ted Jones: Has anyone seen my bigger knife?
Ken: [in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones's pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Time to burn this motherfucker down.
Ken: No retreat, no surrender!
[loads Uzi]
Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can't have any. My wife can smell that off my sweater.
Matheson: [laughs] You want my vest? It smell good.
Budlofsky: It's not my style.
Matheson: You ain't got no style, muthafucka.
Matheson: [to Budlofsky] You used to be fierce. You used to be ruthless!
Red: Today's my cat's birthday.
Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson's face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.
Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand doesn't count.
Robert: Angie, you're a fuckin' idiot. I say that with love.
Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you're going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn't be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It's *my* anal bead.
Saul: Fuck Jeff Goldblum.
Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucker!
Saul: [after Red tosses an ashtray, frisbee style, at Dale's head] Holy cock!
Saul: What’s down there, a fucking Rancor?
Saul: [as he is just about to punch Carol in the face] You're in the jungle now, Baby!
Saul: It's like, if you took that Blue Oyster shit I gave you last week, and then that crazy African Kush I had that one time.. and they had a baby. And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light shit I had, and that Red shit I had, made a baby. And by some crazy miracle, those two babies got together, and fucked... this would be it!
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Oh. Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.
Robert: Are you high?!
Dale Denton: What? No!
Shannon: You are high as a fucking kite!
Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friend. You are my drug dealer, the only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!
Saul: Oh.
Dale Denton: I'm sorry, that sounded really mean... just to hear that, that sounded really mean.
Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.
Bobby: [to Ted and Dale] You, suck my balls. Two times!
Ken: This is war! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
Saul: Enjoy your last meal.
[throws bills at Dale]
Saul: Here, supersize it, bitch.
[throws change]
Saul: Red! You came back! Man, you lied to me. You said you had herpes and Dale said you didn't.
Red: I know Saul. I'm sorry. It's just, after all this, and seeing this guy’s nuts get smashed with my Daewoo, I love you man.
[pause]
Red: I want to be inside you, homes!
Dale Denton: I'm Chill as a Cucumber
Dale Denton: You were cold and I *clothed* you.
Saul: Just sit back and get ready to enjoy some of the rarest weed known to mankind.
[he lights a joint and inhales]
Dale Denton: It's really that rare?
Saul: [exhales] It's, like, the rarest.
[he examines the joint]
Saul: It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.
Dale Denton: [while hiding in the woods, on the run from Ted's henchmen] Even if he found that roach, how could he find us?
Saul: Um...heat-seeking missiles...bloodhounds...and foxes...barracudas...
Dale Denton: I'm just--I'm kind of flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.
Saul: Hey look, it's like my thumb is my cock.
Red: [points to his armpits] You see these? There's no hair under here, bro!
Dale Denton: What's the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic when I fight!
Saul: Alright man, let's go! I'm done with the woods!
Dale Denton: [sarcastically] Oh okay! Let's go. Oh wait. No. The battery must be dead.
Saul: Wait...what do you mean the battery's dead?
Dale Denton: ... I mean the battery is dead. It ceases to live. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: No no... What do you mean, the battery is dead?
Dale Denton: The battery is fucking dead. I don't know how I can word this to you differently.
Saul: BFFF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin' Friends Forever, man!
Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!

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NativeTJ · Level 38: Crackdown **Posts:** 12025 **Timestamp:** Wed Aug 13, 08 12:46 PM