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whadu · Level 47: Snake Eater **Posts:** 31319 **Timestamp:** Thu Jun 26, 08 6:53 PM

An office building is shown with the words "Psyche Corporation" on it.

Cop 69: Okay so you're telling me they just barged in here claiming they had a match with "Team whadu?"

Black Rose: Yes, exactly, and then when we told them that whadu canceled the match they went berserk. I mean they tattooed a swastika symbol on 2jew for God sakes.

[ 2jew is shown in a Jewish Hospital suffering from complete paranoia ]

Blacko: But I swear to God that whadu sweared to God that we would have this match to settle every thing.

Cop 69: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. One thing led to another, and there was some swearing to God, and then it never happened. It's punks like you that--

[ The cop notices a donut on Marie's desk ]

[ Blacko and his crew notice that the cop is distracted ]

[ The office lights go out ]

[ The office lights come back on ]

[ whadu walks out of his office ]

whadu: Sorry about that guys the switches were --- OH MY GOD.

[ whadu can't believe his eyes ]

[ Every one sees the cop dead on the ground, and no sight of Blacko and company ]

[ Mad goes up to the cop to check his pulse ]

Mad: He's... He's... He is gone.

[ An obvious bullet wound is shown on his head ]

Marie: Yeah... We kinda figured that out.

[ The office goes silent ]

whadu: OKAY NO ONE PANIC. I KNOW CPR.

[ whadu attempts CPR on the bloody corpse ]

Cursed: Dude gross... At least do it without a shirt.

whadu: Okay look Curse--

(interview) Cursed: Do you think this is a game? Do you think you can just make jokes about dead cops and pretend that they're not dead???

whadu: Do you think this is a game? Do you think you can just make jokes about dead cops and pretend that they're not dead???

(interview) Swordemon: Haha, spot on.

[ The camera man pans to the right while still in interview to show Cursed sitting next to Sword ]

(interview) Cursed: Thanks. Saw it coming from a mile away with my back turned and my eyes closed.

whadu: Okay... Someone call the police. NO! Someone get that police man that was JUST in here a few seconds ago!

[ Every one in the office sighs ]

The Man: I'M ON IT WHADU!

[ The Man runs out of the front door ]

[ Every one sighs even louder ]

(interview) Jack: Wow... Just wow... I've never seen such dedication, hopefully he can find that officer so we can get this solved.

Sparkie: Wait hold on... Did you guys even hear any gun shots?

Rocker: Now that you bring it up... I didn't... Hear any...

Sparkie: Then how the hell does he has a huge bullet wound on his forehead if there wasn't a gun shot.

Rocker: QUICK EVERY ONE LOOK FOR A SHELL.

[ All employees begin to look for a gun shell, after minutes of searching no bullet shell is found ]

whadu: Wait a minute, I think I'm on to something. Maybe they stabbed him with Mad's extremely sharp pencil!?

(interview) Mad: Yeah, I have a very hard time writing with pencils that aren't FULLY sharped. One time I tried to write an essay with a dull pencil, it slipped, my hand hit the desk and I broke my arm. People say it isn't that big of deal, and then I tell them that's like saying someone dying isn't that big of a deal. They seem to think as if this problem is some kind of game, where you can just break every pencil sharpener in the world and try to break the high score.

Interviewer: Why don't you just use a pen?

(interview) Mad: ...What the fuck is a pen?

[ Every one is shown in the conference room, sitting at a rectangular table ]

Sparkie: Okay this is what we know--

whadu: Who said you can talk?

Sparkie: Well I thought I wou--

whadu: Okay wait, did I tell every one to come in the conference room or you?

Sparkie: You...

[ whadu gives Sparkie evil eyes ]

whadu: Okay then, this is what we know guys, someone came in here, tried to drop off some flowers while Cop 69 was here, and the flower person turned off the lights and somehow killed the cop and then jumped out of the window... For some reason I suspiciously suspect Monk, and don't forget he called in sick.

Monk: I'm right here.

whadu: WHAT WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

Monk: Jesus Christ...

Marie: Okay wait, someone came in here delivering flowers?

Taylor: No he's just imagining things. And I thought you accidentally turned off the lights whadu?

whadu: Hot bacon sauce you're right... That completely nullifies what I was about to say.

Sparkie: Okay please let me explain what happened.

whadu: Shoot cops. I mean shoot... Go ahead and talk.

(interview) whadu: For some reason every one started looking at me weird...

Spark: Okay first of all, there was a flower boy. He was kind of cute too BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT. The flower boy walked in, delivered the flowers to Marie at the front desk and that's when Blacko came in with his crew demanding to see whadu for their match. One of Blacko's friends went over to Marie's desk, put down a donut he was eating and tried to talk to Marie, and took the flowers from the flower boy and gave the flowers to Marie as if he bought them, and told the flower boy to get out. The flower boy promptly left and that's when Marie dialed security, and Cop 69 came in here and got Blacko and Co. to settle down. He tried to get a full story from Black Rose and half way, Jack ran out of the Mens Room claiming he found the cure to AIDS on a toilet seat.

(interview) Jumpin' Jack: Actually it was the cure to cancer, not AIDS. See I was at the sink brushing my teeth, I never have time to do it at home, and as I was about to put water in my mouth, I wondered what toilet water tasted like... Being curious, I took a handful of water from the toilet and tasted it. That's when I realized the cure for cancer is actually toilet water; allow me to explain--

Interviewer and Camera Man: Right now we don't have the time.

Interviewer: JYNX CAN'T TALK UNTIL YOU KISS WHADU.

[ The camera man punches the wall ]

Spark: At that exact moment, the lights went off, and the I heard a squishy sound, and the lights came back on. At that moment, we have four escaping black people and a dead cop on the ground.

Marie: No no, I think you're confusing Jack running out of the bathroom with whadu running out of his office.

The Man: To tell you the truth, I actually don't remember Jack ever entering the bathroom... I did however see him walk pass Mad's desk and take his sharpest pencil...

Jack: Are you saying I killed 69???

The Man: No no, I'm just tellin' it like it is. I mean Mad you remember right?

Mad: Uh... Yeah I do actually...

(interview) Mad: I was playing Gears of War on my PC the whole time... I didn't even realize there was a cop in the room, or the lights going out. So maybe Jack did take one of my pencils.

Jack: Yes I did take one of Mad's pencils, but I returned it right then and there seeing as to how extremely sharp it was, and I didn't want to hurt myself.

The Man: Oh that's right I did see you return it 'cause I remember TJ giving you a five star right there after.

TJ: Haha yeah that was so funny. Wasn't that right when the cop entered the room to stop Blacko?

whadu: WAIT, YES, I REMEMBER SOMETHING. While I was messing around with the switches in my office, I remember Jack screaming and I looking out of the window to see TJ laughing his ass off and then Blacko coming up to him. THAT was when the light went out and the cop entered.

TJ: That can't be right, because the cop had already been done asking Taylor those questions and Blacko and Co. were in handcuffs.

whadu: Hmm you're right...

Spark: Unless... whadu when the lights went off, and then came back on, you came out of your office to tell us that you were sorry about the lights going off right?

whadu: Yeah I think so.

Spark: By then the cop had been killed and Blacko was out of the office, right?

whadu: Yes...

Spark: Interesting...

whadu: ...And?

Spark: And what?

whadu: You were saying unless...

Spark: What are you talking about?

whadu: ...Nevermind.

(interview) whadu: I thought she was on to something or something, God damn it.

Rocker: Okay well here's my take on it. I remember going into the bathroom to take a huge shit I had been saving since last night, and then I heard someone come in, probably Jack because the person started brushing their teeth. And then I heard the person go into a stall and do something, not sure what--

(interview) Jack: >_>

Rocker: And then I heard him run out of the bathroom screaming something in some foreign language, not sure what, but I continued my intense crap. I was done, got off the seat and went to wash my hands, and then I heard Jack scream, about fifteenth minutes later, the lights went off in the bathroom, I heard someone fall to the ground, and then the lights came back on. That's when I heard whadu go "OH MY GOD" and I ran out of the bathroom.

Swordmon: It takes you fifteen minutes to wash your hands?...

Rocker: Do you know how much bacteria you have on your hands after using a public bathroom???

Swordmon: Yeah, about the same you had when you entered the bathroom?

Rocker: You think every thing is a GAME don't you man. My father DIED in Vietnam because of bacteria, do you think I can just bring him back??? Do you think you can just turn off friendly fire from bacteria like it's some kind of game? No, you can't. bacteria are ruthless life forms. Nothing is a game to them, they take every thing seriously.

Swordmon: Okay, okay, I'm sorry...

whadu: Well guys, I'm afraid we're going to leave here knowing less than when we came in...

Interviewer: Wait... Why don't you ask the camera man... I mean, after all, he sees ALL.

whadu: Yeah Cam Man, you must of seen it ALL.

[ The camera man looks at the interviewer, probably thinking "screw you." But what do I know, I'm just a narrator ]

[ Every one sees that the camera man doesn't want to speak ]

Interviewer: :laugh:

whadu: MAYBE IT WAS YOU!

[ The camera man kisses whadu ]

Cam Man: GOD! THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

[ whadu stares at the camera with big eyes ]

Cam Man: Okay look, I know every thing. First of all, there was NO flower boy. Three weren't even any flowers, but there WAS a donut. One of the security guys came up here, and started looking around. No one said anything, and then he walked out, THAT'S when Blacko and Co. entered after that security guard told them to head in. Blacko and Co. were decoys, and they put on a show. That whole Gears of War match up, that was a set-up, all bullshit. Blacko isn't whadu's long lost brother, hell whadu has never even met Blacko. And there is no such thing as whadushun. While Blacko was causing havoc, one of his pals went over to Marie to talk to her, and slipped a donut near her desk, as it would play a large role later. After a few minutes, after Marie called security, a different cop, different from the one who came in earlier shows up. The first cop who was in there earlier watched as the second cop walked in to bring peace to the office. That's where this all begins...

(interview) whadu: GO CAM MAN, GO CAM MAN, IT'S YOUR BARMITSFA!

(interview) Mad: It's birthday you idiot, do you live under a stone or something?

(interview) whadu: Actually it's rock you bad-for-nothing jew.

(interview) Mad: Good-for-nothing jew.

Cam Man: He walks in, gets all of Blacko and Co. in handcuffs and makes them stand near a wall, an then he goes up to Taylor and asks what she saw. They talk, and then the lights go off. Now the thing is, whadu didn't turn off the lights.

whadu: Yeah but I remember playing with the switches so I could play Gears with Mad.

Cam Man: You thought you did, but you didn't.

whadu: But I REMEMBER turning them off.

Cam Man: That's what you THINK. The first security guard is who REALLY turned off the lights.

whadu: Wait, so are you saying he performed some kind of reverse psychology miracle magic trick?

Cam Man: ...No. He went to his power engage switch and turned off the lights. It was just a coincidence that you were also playing with the switches.

Mad: In other words, whadu, I'm Jesus.

whadu: I see...

Cam Man: The lights go off, and this is Blacko and Co's signal to kill the cop, and by now you already know that the first security guard wanted revenge, so he set all of this up all the way from the first day Blacko came into the office when you guys were at the camping trip. Right before the lights went out, the cop saw the donut, and wanted to eat it, it distracted him. Right after the lights went off, TJ gave out a five star, making the sound of a gun being fired and a five star slapping merge together, but the sound waves were SO LOUD, that no one heard it.

Swordmon: But why would Blacko and Co. risk that, if TJ didn't give out a five star, every one would have heard the gun shot.

Cam Man: Follow me.

[ Every one follows Cam Man to Jack's desk, I'm really liking this story ]

[ Cam Man picks up a gun from underneath Jack's manila folder, every one is in awe ]

Cam Man: No, Jack did no killing, he was merely framed. You see, right before the lights came on, Blacko placed a frame gun on Jack's desk to make him seem like the culprit.

Jack: But, how could you see even with a camera when the lights were off?

Cam Man: Can you say night vision mode? I had it installed just in case a pack of wolves tried to chase us in the office and the lights were off.

Jack: Why, why would you be chased by a pack of wolves here?

Cam Man: Shut up man that's not the point, the point is that we were fortunate I had this installed.

Jack: Okay...

Cam Man: Anyway, the lights come back on. whadu AND Jack come out screaming something, one turned off the lights and one figured out the cure to AIDS.

Jack: Cancer.

Cam Man: What?

Jack: It was cancer not AIDs.

Cam Man: Okay cancer, is there a specific type too? Or it is all cancers.

Jack: Mouth cancer.

Cam Man: Okay skin cancer, he fi--

Jack: No I said mouth cancer, not skin cancer.

Marie: Okay why don't we continue with the story...

Cam Man: Good idea, lights come on, whadu and Jack are screaming, and whadu notices the dead body, Rocker hears whadu's scream and runs out, all the while Blacko and Co are running out of the office, meet up with the security guard, he unhandcuffs them and they're probably in Chicago by now.

Rocker: So basically, this was a scheme of revenge?

Cam Man: Basically.

Narrator: Except you forgot one small detail...

Cam Man: What's that?

Narrator: whadu, you recall someone jumping out of a window, correct?

whadu: YES I DO, I KNEW SOMEONE JUMPED OUT OF A WINDOW.

Narrator: Every one, touch Monk.

[ Every one realizes that Monk is actually a talking doll that only says "I'm right here." and "Jesus Christ..." ]

Narrator: Why do you think Monk called off?

whadu: He was sick.

Narrator: Or was he pretending to be sick, and then came to work dressed as a security officer?

whadu: OH MY GOD.

[ The end image appears ]
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