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tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....
I sit here and I wait for something to happen in my life, but I doubt I will ever get very far if I

Danielle
Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:40:44 +0000

I sit here and I wait for something to happen in my life, but I doubt I will ever get very far if I never go very far.

And while I sometimes envy people who have the stable white picket fence life; who have gone to the same schools all their lives; who have had the same friends all their lives, I wonder how much can happen. How much can they grow, and how far will they take themselves, when they are usually content to just be?

I wonder if my restlessness is something that was taught to me, or if it is something that is an integral part of me. It is there regardless, and I wouldn't give it up for anything, but still I am restless.

I have been restless for a month or two now, and I feel the change coming (not unlike a brewing storm of forest leveling magnitude), and I wonder what the change will be.

I make the changes for the most part, but it is the nature of the choice that sometimes blindsides me. Moving to London, moving to Vancouver, and now I suppose that it is time to move somewhere else.

I get the sense it might be nice to be a beach bum in San Francisco, but I know that the spoiled part of me wouldn't have any of it. I mean, I sleep on a small mat on the floor, but at least I have access to running water whenever I want.

So where to go...I guess this is my question to the heart of my being right now. Where am I headed? Where am I going? What I do there seems to follow after I get there, but for now...

I had a dream the other night that I was kidnapped by the wind. I swept me up and I flew through the air, and we ended up at an observatory. There was a haunted painting in the hall, and the wind pushed me past it quickly and then set itself to attack and rid the place of the ghost. I went around the long way. I was confused--the wind had just kidnapped me, so why was it now defending me?

I got to the front hall again, and I poked my head around the corner and asked the wind if it was alright. In reply it swept me into the observation room, and asked me to take notes as it dictated. I found a note pad and pencil on one of the benches, and before me someone had written "absolution" or "absence" on it before me, with the then current month November. I copied that for some reason, signed my name on it.

I could see the Crab nebula through the ceiling. It was positioned in the Milky Way. I don't think that is reality at all, and neither were the two giant planets I saw rising above the horizon through the side window. I think they were Jupiter and maybe Neptune.

Before I started to write the wind's story down, I asked "Why did you bring me here, really?" The wind replied that it had always loved me, and it asked me to marry it. I replied that yes, I would marry the wind, and he became sort of solid and we embraced (I remember naming him "Frish" like in the African folktales).

With this dream, and the one about leaping to my death for my freedom, I can only intuit that there is a time to move forward, and that this is definitely it. So I am restless, oh!so! restless, as I haven't decided where turn myself towards yet. I can't describe the visceral feeling of this restlessness. It's there, and it won't go until I make that choice...

That's right, Dali!

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