The pain that I have felt when I was younger still haunt me. See, when I was younger, I was...sexually harassed. The first time it happened was when I was in the sixth grade, the last time was in the eighth grade. The first time was when our school was next to infamous Southeast High School, a school known for producing the worst of the worst. Also, I had gotten upset over the fact that those lovely little children wouldn't let me sit with them, pretty much to the point of tears. So later that month, I had to sit with this one girl, who began rubbing my leg and stuff. Apparently, she was using me( and playing with me) to make her boyfriend jealous. Now, here's the kicker. She had to be at least in the tenth grade(and was probably older than what she should be for the tenth), for starters, and I was just some little kid as compared to her boyfriend, which was more fit than I. I felt confused. I knew I didn't like it, but I didn't stop it. I was afraid of confrontations, then and now, so I didn't speak up. I should have told her to stop, but something in my head made me bit my tongue. Finally, she went back to her boyfriend after the person sitting with him got up out of the seat. Then they began badmouthing me....

Now, the second and third time was by someone that I thought was my friend. See, we went to the same elementary school, and I was two grades his senior. Yes, not only was I sexually assaulted by a dude, but by a sixth grader. The first time, I was walking with another friend of mine down the hall from the computer lab to the steps and I see him coming up the steps in front of me. I waved hello and he said hi. Then, he came up and began touching my chest and grabbing me. I tried to push him off, but he was stronger than I was. My other friend came up and said "Get the fuck off him!" and managed to split us apart. The other dude just said he was playing and walked off. At that point, I was a bit shaken up. No permanent damaged to my psyche, though I was quite weirded out as it were. Then the third time....It was a few weeks after the second. I was walking from the cafeteria to my class when him and his friend came out of nowhere and pushed me into a locker. I began to struggle with that dude and managed to push him somewhat away. That was when he said, "He's a bit stronger," and pushed me back into the locker. Then he moved himself closer, face was in mine, and finally I managed to push him off. I ran back to my classroom, hearing those two laugh at my weakness. When I got to the classroom, I began to cry, but I refused to tell people why I was crying. I had a mental breakdown right then and there. My friend, the one who protected me the first time, asked what was wrong but I didn't tell him. One girl thought it was because the class wouldn't get quiet and asked if that was it, but I still kept crying. I didn't tell anyone about that incident or the others. Still haven't. Not to my parents, not to the friend who saved me the second time, not to any living soul. And I think those events are slowly warping my thoughts are humans. Never had I wanted to hurt someone, torture someone, destroy their spirit like they had done to me until that moment. At first, I reveled in the anger, but it was beginning to scare me. So, I just bottled it within me, hoping that I could keep under control. And so far so good, I mean, I have tried different meditation techniques to keep myself calm when confronting past memories.But today, I just felt so terrible and those thoughts came back with a vengeance. I wanted revenge, I wanted it badly. Even as I type, I can hear a voice in my brain screaming out, saying to destroy those that anger me.

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By: so64 | On: Fri Jan 09, 09 11:16 PM

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